Don't Be Afraid
Stephanie is the last person I would expect to see in the "chemo room" of a neuro-oncologist's office in Dallas, but there she was, sitting in a recliner, hooked up to a bag of a new chemotherapy drug for brain tumor patients. She is beautiful, young, married, and has twin seven year olds. In the last year, Stephanie has had brain surgery, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy.
My wife has a primary brain tumor, and she has been fighting it for 9 1/2 years. She had gotten some pretty bad news the week earlier - part of her tumor had come back in a more aggressive form. Part of it had come back less aggressive, but that part is slowly infiltrating her brain stem. Having been through 2 brain surgeries, 3 different chemotherapy treatments, and radiation therapy, her treatment options are limited. She can choose focal radiation, called the Gamma Knife, to treat the aggressive part, and she can do another round of one of the same chemotherapy drugs and risk that the tumor has become resistant to those drugs. Or, she can take a newer, more aggressive chemotherapy drug, with all sorts of side effects, including bleeding into her tumor, which could be fatal.
My wife's cancer is in the left frontal lobe of her brain, where her decision making takes place, so I have to help her make the decision on what course of action to choose. I was wary of giving my wife something that might kill her. We talked to other doctors and friends, and we prayed for guidance. However, I still didn't feel sure about one course of action over the other.
When we arrived at the neuro-oncologist's office, we were still undecided, though we were leaning towards one of the known chemotherapy drugs. A PET Scan done the previous week confirmed what the doctor and the MRI had suggested - her brain cancer was fast-growing, and it was getting into the brain stem.
We finally decided on the more aggressive chemotherapy, and so we headed down the hall to the "chemo room." Which brings me back to Stephanie.
Stephanie told us about herself, and how the new chemotherapy seemed to be working. She comforted my wife as she began feeling weird as the drugs flowed into her. There was, and is, something about Stephanie that I can't explain - she is so "alive".
Stephanie had some books open on her lap, including her Bible, and I asked her if she was reading anything interesting. She told us she was catching up on the daily devotions written by Charles Stanley, which was my wife's favorite daily guide before she got so sick. Stephanie began to read us the scriptures that went with each daily devotion, and then the devotion itself. At one point, as she was reading, tears streamed down her face, and she told us her relationship with Christ was so precious to her.
I don't understand it, but I know God had Stephanie in that room to help us out. For me, God was confirming that He is with us, which is weird, because if that's true, He could heal Stephanie and my wife in the blink of an eye. Similar situations and encounters have happened to us several times during my wife's illness. Could God be interested in something more than a quick fix - like trust, and community?
Oh, and Stephanie read me the story about Jairus and his sick daughter and how, when Jesus had been told of the daughter's death, He told Jairus, "Don't be afraid; just believe."
Stephanie said that was for me.
posted by Anamchara @ 3:17 PM
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