Trying Harder, Eddie Haskel, and Freedom
Have you ever tried to be good? I mean consistently, positively, good? I have. In my case, the harder I tried, the more I failed. I gradually became self-consious, then self-absorbed, and, finally, self-obsessed. I focused more on my failures than on anything else, including God and others. It was very frustrating. It was a very noble undertaking, this being good. Wasn't it?
I found the Apostle Paul faced this problem. In Romans 7: 15-17, Paul speaks of the frustration of trying to be good. In verse 17, Paul says it is the sin inside us that makes us do evil things, and that it (sin) is stronger than we are.
As a Christian, one way I reacted to my inability to overcome the undertow of sin in my life was to deny it existed. I gave lip service to being a sinner, but I'm not sure I realized what was going on.
My second reaction was to try even harder, at least on the surface. Do you remember Eddie Haskel of "Leave It To Beaver" fame? Poor Eddie. He really knew how to act. He knew what he should do, as evidenced in his politeness to Mrs. Cleaver. When it came to the Beaver, though, Eddie's dark side surfaced. He just couldn't help himself.
I found myself becoming an Eddie Haskel. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't all that bad, that I was a good Christian. So, like Eddie, I was nice and polite to those I wanted to impress, and I gauged my righteousness based how well I impressed them. That, in turn, would impress God.
Oh, but my darker side came to the surface when I encountered the "Beavers" in my life - those I felt I was better than, more powerful than, and better looking than. But, my very actions condemned me. So, back on the treadmill of trying to be righteous; my sinful nature emerging; followed by guilt, shame, and condemnation.
A third way I attempted to deal with my sinful nature was to develop an 'I'm sorry' response to life. I began to see myself as a failure, or a victim, unable to change. I thoroughly agreed with Romans 7:18. I tried to shore things up. Re-commit. Confess any and all deficiencies. And, worst of all, follow a list of someone else's religious rules and regulations.
The specter of acknowledging my own hopelessness and helplessness caused me much fear and anxiety. I finally realized I was unable, on my own, to fix myself. I had to come face-to-face with, and accept, my own humanness.
As Paul says, what a predicament I was in. Who would save me from my slavery to this deadly lower nature? Thank God - it has been done by Jesus Christ my Lord. I will spend the rest of my life "living into" that which has already been done. That's true life, and that's true freedom.
posted by Anamchara @ 7:15 AM
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